Bill vs the Forces of Good
by Jessica Jayme Bell
Summary: Once upon a time in a land known as the mindscape, lived a demon – Bill Cipher. That's me by the way. Some people have called me reckless and chaotic just because I like to have fun and mess with the head of flesh sticks! And I'm about to have a whole lot more because today I take it to the next level. Now let's party!
1. Prologue

**Full Summary:** Once upon a time in a land known as the mindscape, lived a demon – Bill Cipher. That's me by the way. Some people have called me reckless and chaotic just because I like to have fun and mess with the head of flesh sticks! And I'm about to have a whole lot more because today I take it to the next level. Now let's party!

* * *

"So… you say you're from another dimension?" asked the doubtful overweight man attempting to look dignified as he sat rather uncomfortably in the small child's chair in front of his desk.

"That's right Principal Meat bag!" Replied the joyous pre-teen spinning happily in the plush swivel chair reserved for the principal.

"It's Meirberg."

"Whatever you say."

The principal stared at the blonde kid across from him smiling mischievously. The child had barged into his office and had taken the liberty to seat himself down in his own chair and stated quite confidently that he wanted to enroll. Without parents or paperwork or anything, not even the smallest bit of identification.

It simply wouldn't do.

"Yes…well I'm afraid that this isn't going to work out. You're going to need a guardian to come in a fill out the right paperwork and-"

Meirberg was cut off as the lights began to suddenly flicker satanically until every one of them burst in a sudden blast, making glass rain down. He began to tremble as he watched in horror as the blinds slammed shut with a bang. The child across from him chuckled, sending shivers up his neck. In the dark room he watched transfixed as the other seemed to radiate with a demonic glow.

"You're going to love it here!" He shouted quickly. With a snap of the younger's fingers, the blinds slowly rose shedding the small room with natural light

"I knew you'd see things my way! I'm going to need a guide and boy do I have the perfect meat-puppet in mind!"

* * *

Dipper Pines was in one word. Completely bored. Okay that was two words but whatever. Since coming back to Piermont, life had taken a turn for boring. Every day since their return was just plain average, simple and downright predictable. The thrill and excitement of Gravity Falls was severely missing.

Dipper winced slightly when the school's speakers whined as they turned on, the feedback screeching through the room.

"D-Dipper Pines to the Principal's office. Dipper Pines to the P-Principal's office."

Dipper looked up from his doodled notes with a frown before looking over at Mabel, who at the time was busy trying to "be-dazzle" all her pencils by covering them in glue and then dipping them in glitter

"What did you do Dip-dop?"

"Nothing?" he asked with a shrug. Dipper gathered up his books and packed them into his bag before standing up and leaving the classroom. As he passed by the other classes on his way to the office he racked his head for anything that he'd done that might warrant a trip to the office. He was more than passing all of his classes, he hadn't gotten into any arguments with teachers either, and he had yet to encounter a brawl.

Upon reaching the office what he found was the principal shaking in his shoes and kid dressed much too formally for school inspecting the water fountain.

"Uh…Principal Meirberg?" he inquired slightly worried for the middle aged man who had yet to notice Dipper's appearance

The principal jerked around to face Dipper.

"Mr. Pines? I'd like for you to show our new foreign exchange student around." Grabbing Dipper's shoulders the Principal gave him a look of ultimate terror. I pray for your soul," he quickly added before running for his life.

Dipper watches apprehensively as the Principal sprints away before turning back to the "new foreign exchange student".

"So," he started, getting the students attention. "Welcome to Piedmont high. I'm Dipper Pines and I guess I'll be your guide for today."

The grin he received as the familiar looking pre-teen turned around made his stomach turned.

"Names Bill Cipher and I'm a demon from another Dimension," he says with a flourish before leaning in close enough to Dipper's face their nose almost touch. "But you already knew that didn't you Pine Tree?"

And in that moment of ultimate unbelief terror, only one thought crossed the younger Pine twin's mind. "Oh No."

* * *

Hello and welcome to another fic that I've decided to write.  
Unless you've not read anything else I've written which is even better!

Massive thanks to Margo352 who is betaing this fic for me!

As always;

Reviews are Appreciated and Adored!  
~Jessica


	2. Chapter 1

Showing Bill around the school was like carrying a ticking bomb. Dipper simply didn't know what would cause it to blow up. And it blew up. Several times.

All the paper that had been on the notice boards what now ash. The drinking fountains were now serving Mabel Juice of all things. Anyone who walked into the cafeteria would have to be careful of flying forks that rained down at the entrances. All the kids in Gym class would come back to find their cloths to be in various shades of yellow and black. The locker next to Dippers was now pure gold and belonged to Bill instead of the shy tuba kid. And that was just the beginning.

Dipper was going to collapse any second now. His nerves were completely shot and shredded into oblivion. He was surprised he hadn't had a panic attack yet. Seeing how…you know, Demon from an alternate dimension shows up out of nowhere in a human form after…well… being ERASED?!

When the school bell finally rang out it was ten times the blessing it normally was. Dipper did not feel bad ditching Bill in the middle of a crowd of poor unsuspecting students as he hightailed it to Mabel's locker.

Thankfully when he got there Mabel was closing the door, however, unfortunately she was doing it while talking animatedly with a girl in her art class.

"Mabel! Help me!" He whined well trying to avoid looking at the girl hoping his sister would get the message, That. This . Was. URGENT!

"Whoa there bro-bro. See you later, Melly! What's got your knickers in a twist Dipper."

"Bill is at the school posing as a student and I had to show him around and he shares all of his classes with at least one of us and I think my nerves are completely nonexistent now and don't go to the cafeteria because you'll get stabbed by flying forks and-"

Mabel cut him off with a hand to his mouth.

"Whoa there Dipster, take a deep breath," she replied with wide eyes. "Also…um Bill doesn't happen to be blonde with really light brown eyes wearing a yellow shirt and black jeans…Does he?"

"How did you…" Dipper started before freezing up, and slumping defeated "He's right behind me isn't he?"

Mabel nodded yes as a heavy arm was flung around his shoulders.

"Hey Shooting Star! I see Pine Tree's told you the exciting news!"

"That's one way to put it!" she half cheered before wincing slightly when she caught her brother mouthing 'kill me now'. Either that or 'hold me now' but Bill had that under control so it was probably the former. "Look…Uhhhh, Bill…"

"That's my name Star! Or at least one of them. Ha, Ha! Don't wear it out!"

"Right…well, our bus is probably going to be here soon so we better go," she says before yanking Dipper away. Digging out a handful of her 'emergency only' glitter out of her pocket Mabel quickly tosses the sparkly distraction in the air before the pair make a break for the bus.

"HAHAHA! I GOT GLITTER IN MY EYE! OH THIS PAIN IS WONDERFUL!"

In their desperation the pair clambers onto the first bus that comes by, even though it was going in the wrong direction.

"Did you get all your stuff?" Dipper pants out "I know I didn't,"

"No, I was sort of distracted by Bill turning up in the middle of packing up," Mabel replies as she holds her hand up in the sunlight. The glitter that was stuck to her hand sparkled.

"We'll get off at the first stop and walk back to school then."

"Whatever you say broseph." It's a suicide mission in Mabel's opinion but she doesn't dare tell her brother that. The boy's a stickler for homework after all.

* * *

By the time the twins got back to the school and got all their stuff together there was only one bus in the right direction left. They jumped on just as the driver was about to drive off, and he wasn't all that pleased by their amazing presentation.

"I leave at EXACTLY 5:30. Not a moment sooner. Not a moment after. You kids need to be more responsible! You're throwin' off my whole schedule! What were you even doing?"

"…"

"…"

"Aww, what do you care, you're just a bunch of kids. Come on. Hurry up."

Avoiding the driver's watchful and grumpy eye, they and collapsed against each other in their shared bus seat.

"Dipper?"

"Yeah Mabel?"

"We need our own cart. That was we can just go to and from anywhere whenever. No more reliance on the bus. It will be the revolution!"

"Let me know when you figure out how to get a cart Mabel."

"I have my ways Dipping dots. It only a matter of time."

"Is your way legal at all?"

"Probably not," Mabel says brightly.

"Don't get caught then," Dipper says poking his sister in the side.

"Pfft even if I did they'd never be able to hold all of this pure Mabel power!"

Dipper eyed her warily before dismissing the thought of her plans from his mind. Stan had been a good tutor to her on being a con artist, so she may be onto something…even if their parents would disagree on her form of tactics.

His thoughts were swarmed with Bill, how had the demon been able to remain? How…How was he here? Didn't they destroy or banish him at least? How did he get that body? Was it another student's? Dipper concluded he'd have to call up his Grunkles as soon as they reached the Sweden port and had access to a phone of some sort, seeing how according to Soos, their phone had been eaten by some sort of octopus monster last week.

Pulling up at the bus stop closest to home the twins disembarked from the bus. Their house was only half way down the block. So they still had a few moments of 'quiet' to themselves.

"Hey, I have an idea."

"That's dangerous," Dipper joked.

Mabel punched Dipper on the arm before throwing the last remaining glitter she had at him and racing off.

"Last one home has to do the dishes!"

"What! Mabel that's not fair!" Dipper calls after her as he runs to catch up to her. Turning around to mock him, Mabel pulls a silly face at Dipper before tripping over her own feet.

The young girl barely managed to catch herself. Using this opportunity Dipper managed to catch up and the two continued to push and shove each other competitively until they reached the driveway. By the time they'd both slammed into the front door and fallen into the house they were both covered in glitter, leaves, and a handful of twigs.

"I got to my feet first so I win!" Mabel called.

"No way, I hit the floor first so I win," Dipper argued.

"Talk about quality entertainment." Rang the oh so familiar chill sending voice in front of them.

Both of the brunette's heads whirled around to see Bill sitting on the couch in between their parents grinning triumphantly.

Dipper wasted no time stepping back outside, closing the door before opening it and walking in again.

"My hopes of this being a really bad dream or even a glitter induced hallucination were just destroyed."

"Kids! We thought it would be fun if this year we had an exchange student. This is Bill Cipher and he'll be staying with us all year."

Dipper stared at Bill's overly wide smile as Mabel screamed and flailed her arms. His eyes cast over to their parents. They were serious. Completely and utterly serious. No terror, no evil demon posses' eyes…they had made this decision on their own. Shocked, he then tipped forwards in a dead faint.

* * *

 **Wow this is so much fun to write!**  
 **Massive humongous gigantic thanks to my Beta Margo352**

 **Reviews and Ideas are appreciated and adored!**

 **~Jessica**


	3. Chapter 2

When Dipper came to he stubbornly kept his eyes closed and tried to persuade himself that everything was a nightmare that his traumatized brain had conjured. He mentally beat up the realistic part of his mind that was busy being overly pessimistic.

"I know you're awake Pine Tree," drawled a voice from vaguely above him and unsettlingly close.

Dipper shot awake with a startled yell and widely slapping arms. He managed to headbutt Bill and slap him on his way down before slumping back into his pillow rubbing his own head.

Bill popped up from the floor where he had fallen a very seconds later with various red marks over his face and a wide grin.

"Woo! Pain feels so good!"

This wasn't a dream after all, Dipper groaned and pulled his pillow over his face.

"Awww…Don't be like that Pine Tree!"

"What are you even doing?" Dipper's voice called out through the pillow.

"Laughing at pain because it's such a great feeling," Bill exclaimed distractedly as he continued pinching himself multiple times on his arm. Dipper threw his pillow at Bill who ducked it easily and chuckled before leaning over the bed again. Dipper morosely stared at the pillow that had landed on Mabel's bed across the room.

"Are you talking about the fact that I was waiting for you to wake up?"

"No but I'd still like to know that too."

"You mum told me to wait until you woke up to make sure you weren't concussed from hitting your head or anything. Not that I see the problem with having a concussion, seems like fun! Can I give you a concussion?"

"No!" Dipper says vehemently. "Why are you here in Piermont? HOW are you in Piermont? I thought you couldn't leave Gravity Falls!"

"Hehehe…yeah, good times but lucky for me I found my…."Bill paused for 'dramatic' effect "loophole! HAHAHAHAHA!"

"Bill..."

"Alright Alright, sheesh when did you get boring? Well, I guess it depends," he said leaning in close to Dipper's face with a glint in his eyes. "What are you willing to give me for an answer?"

"Nothing; no deals. And don't even try to do that with my parents either."

"And what exactly are you going to do to stop me?" Bill asks pulling away. With a click of his fingers he's suddenly sitting on the bed cross legged staring at Dipper with a creepy smile. "As far as I can tell I have all the power and you have none."

Dipper could only think of one thing to do, it probably wouldn't be very effective, but it was something. He reached skillfully for his secret weapon that lay under the bed. After a moment of consideration he pulled out a spray bottle that he usually reserved for warding off an over-excited Mabel. Taking aim, he fired it at Bill.

Bill spluttered for a second as his perfect fringe fell into his face in a soppy mess.

"Why you-"

Dipper sprayed again.

Bill attempted teleporting out of the way but years of dealing with the energy that was his twin meant that Dipper could very quickly adjust his aim and continue spraying.

After six legendary sprays and teleports, Bill finally escaped the watery doom by rushing to the door and slamming it shut behind him.

"This isn't over Pine Tree!" he called through the door.

After a few victory chuckles on how ridiculous Bill looked sopping wet and, Dipper sank back into his bed. His hopes of peace in thought were once again dashed as the door re-opened. He looked up expecting Bill but was glad to see Mabel skipping over instead.

"When Bill came down the hallway pouting I just had to know what happened," came the explanation as she jumped up on the bed beside Dipper. Dipper held up the spray bottle. As she reeled back and hissed at the bottle the younger twin rolled his eyes and tucked the bottle away again before he continued explaining "I'm counting down the minutes until he figures out that he needs to steal the spray bottle,"

"Why don't you just ward the bottle against Bill?"

"It's not like I have any unicorn hair lying around or anything," Dipper says a bit ticked before sitting back up on the bed to see a grinning Mabel. The wheels in his head started turning.

"Wait, you still have unicorn hair?"he asked slowly.

"Of course I do! That unicorn was practically bald by the time we were finished with her," she says before scrambling off the bed to find her stash.

Dipper frowned.

"Should I be concerned?" he asked Mabel as he got off the bed and followed her.

"Nah, that unicorn was a massive jerk. She totally deserved it."

After pulling out a box of craft supplies and through it she pulled out a box labeled 'unicorn parts' in mismatched stickers.

"Here it is!" she declared. Mabel held up a large bundle of clean unicorn hair. Leaning over the side of the box Dipper saw a few more wads of hair and a few jars that appeared to contain unicorn tears and blood.

"That's… a lot of hair. You know what we could do with all that hair?"

"Make shiny friendship bracelets?" Mabel suggested as she demonstrated the style by folding a few pieces around her wrist

"We could ward our entire room, ourselves, the kitchen draw, anything."

"Does that mean I can make myself a shiny friendship bracelet?" Mabel asked almost vibrating on the spot.

"Yes, yes you can," Dipper replied with a determined voice. 'Unicorn friendship bracelets' would definitely ward Bill off their entire person. It might even make the demon have no choice but to stand five feet away. Hopefully.

"Yay!" came the resounding cheer as Mabel jumped up with a victorious fist in the air.

"Kids! Dinner's Ready!"

"How long was I out?" Dipper asked looking over at the clock that sat on the desk between the twins beds.

"Long enough for mom and dad to start thinking that the amount of time Bill spent staring at you was a little creepy!" Mabel half-whispered before dashing out of the room.

Dipper shuddered before replacing the unicorn stuff and putting the craft stuff away. By the time he had washed his hands and gotten to the table, dinner was just being served.

Bill was having almost too much fun stabbing his peas one by one, just watching Dipper was worried that the plate was going to split into pieces.

The demon kid looked up from his plate to smile creepily at Dipper. He twirled the fork easily in his hand before stabbing more peas all the while without breaking eye contact.

A shudder ran down Dipper's back and the not quite faded scars on his arms from the time Bill possessed his body tingled with not quite forgotten pain.

He moved and sat down at the table in the last seat. Because the twins parents weren't eating with them that evening the twins were both stuck sitting next to Bill at the round table.

"So Bill. How was your first day at school?" the twins mother asked as she poured them all a glass of water.

"I donated my finest silvers to the school cafeteria. Thirty three students were so surprised they were on the floor crying."

"Oh, well it's about time that the school had some nice cutlery."

Dipper resisted the urge to plant his face into the table and instead ate a mouthful of peas.

For a moment Dipper watched Bill continue stabbing his peas before turning all of his attention to his own plate. Instead he let his mind whirl over the possibilities that came with the unicorn hair. If this was the sort of behaviour he was to expect from Bill then it was very important that some plans be implemented immediately.

* * *

 **Sorry this took so long, I was a bit stuck at the end there!**

 **Big thanks to the wonderful lady who beta's my writing, Margo352**

 **Reviews and Ideas are Appreciated and Adored!**

 **~Jessica**


	4. Chapter 3

"Okay Mabel, it's go time."

"Yes Bro yes," Mabel chants back as she paints war stripes on her cheeks.

"Don't you think the war paint is overboard?" the younger twin enquires as he jumps off from the bus seat as it arrives at the right bus station.

"Never," Mabel declares as she attempts to get Dipper's face too. "War paint raises spirits! It proves that we are ready to go down fighting!"

"Okay well, I'll come to you if I ever run low on fighting spirit," he says before jumping off the bus, Mabel close behind him. He turns around to Mabel as the bus departs. "Now you got you're walkie… talkie?" he asks to empty air as the elder twin dashes into the mall and leaves Dipper in the dust.

"This is Master Mabel to Dippity Dog. Of course I have my walkie talkie."

"Right, let me know when you find anything Mabel."

"What are you looking for?" a voice says from behind him. A shiver runs down Dipper's back as he instantly recognises that voice.

"What are you even doing here Bill?" he demands with a frown while holding the talk button on the walkie talkie so that his sister would hear the conversation as well.

Bill smiles; throwing his arm around the younger twin's shoulder as he replies "Nothing yet Pine Tree, just looking for a little fun!"

"Well go find fun somewhere else you twisted triangle!" Mabel calls over the walkie talkie as Dipper shrugs the offending arm off.

"Naw Shooting Star, that's so sweet of you to say!" Bill says.

Dipper rolls his eyes as he pulls out the spray bottle from his backpack. His grim smile turns into a smirk when Bill takes half a step back instinctively.

Bill glares from behind his blonde fringe before clicking his fingers and teleporting away.

"Mabel? You there? I convinced Bill to leave for now," he calls says over the walkie talkie. "Where are you?"

"Pet store around the corner, I can see Bill spying on you from the corner," Mabel reports.

Dipper sighs, of course Mabel had gone straight to the pet store, she basically lived there when they came to the mall. "I'll see you there in a bit," he says before putting the spray bottle in his bag.

"Master Mabel out," she says back cheerily.

Dipper hurries down the mall corridor to the pet shop sliding along side a group of teens around the corner to avoid Bill. He splits off from the older teens to enter the pet store.

Putting the walkie talkie away as he approaches Mabel he watches as she pays for Waddles snacks.

"So Dipping Dots, she says as she packs the box into her twin's backpack. Plan B?"

"We'll have to work together to get everything down," he says grimly. First off we'll need to find some moonstones."

"That's easy," Mabel says. "They're sold of the Beads and More Beads store."

"Oh," Dipper says surprised. "Let's go then."

"The problem is, semi precious beads are a little pricey but I think I have the perfect plan!"

BREAK BREAK BREAK BREAK

As it turns out; Mabel's plan was a plan that Grunkle Stan would be proud of.

There were two staff at the store, one of them was a fairly new looking teenager that trying to not get caught with a can of soda under the counter.

As soon as the senior staff went for her tea break Mabel and Dipper moved in.

A quick check for cameras, a distraction and a quick switcheroo meant that Dipper and Mabel escape with moonstone beads for half the price.

Raiding an old antiques store had found some old thermometers that had mercury they could use. It was just enough to for the protection spell if they could get all of it out.

They'd run into Bill four times by the time they were ready to leave. The first time he'd run past them cackling with glee after dashing out of a store. Three different staff members watched him go looking very flustered.

The twins were glad that Bill seemed to have missed them in his joy of causing such chaos and had hurried off to maintain distance.

The next time they saw him he was on a segway being chased by two security staff and three staff members from various stores. He was wearing a yellow and black suit, and a black top hat.

When he had wedged his way in between the twins the next time Dipper hadn't been sure what to do. Mabel's scream of 'stranger danger!' had worked fairly well though as immediately everyone in the vicinity turned to look at the security staff were back on his trail.

"Smart move Shooting Star!" he'd called over his shoulder as he bounded out of sight with a demented laugh. He slid down the escalator banister with ease as he vanished from view once more.

Dipper and Mabel stood at the bus station quickly running down Dipper's mental list on everything that they needed.

"Well that's definitely everything…" Dipper said at last.

"How long did it take you and Grunkle Ford to put it together last time?" Mabel asked him as she stared down the street looking for the bus. She pokes Dipper as she sees it turn the corner up ahead.

"Not long, we should be able to have at least something by the end of the night," Dipper says as he zips up the bag.

"What will we have by the end of the night?"

The twins jump and whirl around. Bill is leaning casually on the post with his now signature wide smile on his face and a curious glint in his eye.

"None of your business Cipher," Mabel says poking her tongue out before turning around again.

With a click of his fingers Bill is standing in front of the female twin again.

"But Shooting Star, that's no way to treat a guest," he says teasingly.

Mabel goes to shove him out of her face by reflex but with a click of his finger he was out of the way.

Mabel instead stumbled forward onto the road with a yelp.  
"Mabel!" Dipper called in a panic as the bus driver slammed on the breaks.

There was another Click and suddenly Mabel wasn't on the road. Just in time for the bus to slid up with a groan.

"What do you kids think you're doing playing on the road like that!"

Dipper whirled around to face Bill only to find that the blonde kid had completely vanished.

With Mabel clutching onto one arm and his bag slung over the other he apologised to the driver before shuffling onto the bus.

Mabel took the window seat silently as Dipper stared out the seat in front of him.

Questions were whirling through his head. Why did _Bill_ save Mabel? Why did Bill _save_ Mabel? Why did Bill save _Mabel_? Why did _Bill save Mabel_?

* * *

 **Hi there! This chapter has not been read by a beta as mine seems to be unresponsive. So if you see any mistakes feel free to point them out and I'll fix them up. If anyone else would like to help beta you're more than welcome to send me a message! Hopefully next chapter will be written up soon.**

 **Reviews and Ideas are Appreciated and Adored!**  
 **~Jess**


	5. Chapter 4

Dipper Pines was stumped. He had been since the day before as he continuously contemplating why Bill Cipher had saved his sister's life. He fingered the cord around his wrist as he thought.

After they had gotten home from the mall they had not once seen Bill. For the most part the twins had holed themselves in their room working on the protection spell.

Mabel had proven herself as the craft goddess, her words not his, and had made them each three bracelets from the unicorn hair. Two spares each just in case/ She'd even been nice enough to braid some brown leather around the unicorn hair for Dippers pride.

But what bothered Dipper was that Bill hadn't turned up to dinner either. According to the twins mother he had eaten early and gone to bed.

It had now been nearly a day since he'd seen Bill.

It was slightly terrifying.

Together the twins had begun the Bill-proofing of their shared room. Mabel was having fun with it, almost too much in Dippers opinion, and had built a massive paper chain around the room to disguise it. He couldn't deny the effectiveness though.

"Kids! I have a job for you!"

The twins shared a look.  
"You stay and put up the last of the ward and I'll go find out what mum wants," Dipper said with a frown.

"Sure thing Dippingsauce!"

Dipper trundled down the stairs in search of his mother.

"There you are, I need you both to quickly run down to the store and pick up a few things for me," his mother explained, handing over a short handwritten list and a few notes that Dipper tucked into his vest. "Also have you heard from Bill? I know you said he was staying the night elsewhere with one of his friends but I would have thought that he'd be back by now."

"Sorry Mum, I haven't heard from him yet. I'm sure he'll be in contact soon."

"Hmm okay, keep an eye out for him anyway, it's easy to get lost in a new town."

"Of course Mum, I'll keep my eyes peeled."

There was a distinct thud from upstairs followed shortly by Mabel yelling out an apology. Dipper watched as his mother sighed.

"It's okay Mum, I'll go see what happened," Dipper said and began to move to leave. At that moment the house phone started ringing.

"No it's okay, I'll get Mabel, could you please answer the phone?"

Dipper nodded and moved over to answer the phone.

"Pines residence," he intoned.

"Is that anyway to greet your grunkle, kid?"

"Grunkle Stan!"

"Yeah, good to hear from you too, kid," Stan replied. "Would have called earlier but something ate the phone. Sixer's still trying to come up with an idea of what it is. Got sick of hunting though and came inland for something that isn't salty. I'm going to be haunted by the taste of salt."

"Well actually Grunkle Stan, before Mabel comes down the stairs and does her thing, we may have a slight situation."

"Hit me with it, kid," Stan grumbled over the phone.  
"Well," Dipper started, "Mum decided that we should be a host family for an international student. International doesn't cover this kid."

"Vampire? Werewolf? Half something? Come on kid, don't leave me hanging."  
"Bill Cipher as a human preteen."

There was a long pause. "Are you telling me that my niece and nephew are currently living in the same house as a demon posing as a human kid. The same demon that tried to start Weirdmageddon."

"That's exactly what I'm saying," Dipper replied flatly.

If it weren't for the faint breathing on the other end of the phone Dipper would have assumed that the line had cut off.

"What have you done about it so far?" came the eventual response.

"Mabel managed to bring home quite a share of unicorn hair so we did some salvaging and managed to Bill proof most of our bedroom so far. We've both got wards on us as well so he can't touch us. Apart from teleporting Mabel out of the way from an incoming bus he's not actually done anything more than be his creepy self and annoy a heap of staff at the mall. What really bothers me though is that the only time he used any demon powers was technically to save a life and that doesn't add up at all."

"Deep breath, kid," Stan reminded him. As Dipper took a pause Stan continued, "Ford and I will make our way to California as soon as possible. Keep your sister and yourself safe and hold out until then. Ford should be back soon and we'll see what we can do. Wait, Bill's not with your sister right now is he?"  
"No, no of course not. Nobody has seen him in a while actually, and Mum's with her right now. I think she grappling-hooked something again. Hopefully mum doesn't confiscate it this time… I'd prefer it if Mabel started carrying it around again."

"Slow down kid, you're going into your crazy over-planning ways again," Stan commented.

"Dipper!" came a sudden shout in his ear and Dipper yelped, the phone falling out of his hand and onto the hall stand with a clatter. Mabel grinned widely as she retracted her hook from the second floor. "Is that our Grunkles on the phone?"

"Just Grunkle Stan right now," Dipper said after catching his breath.

With a cheer his sister snatched up the phone and greeted her Grunkle enthusiastically. Passing the grappling hook to him, she covered the receiver for a moment.

"Hide it in the usual spot would you, Mum's not happy," she asked with puppy dog eyes.  
With a great sigh Dipper nodded with a exasperated smile before leaving his sister to chat with Grunkle Stan. Tucking the grappling hook under his jacket and out of sight he made his way up to their shared bedroom to assess how badly the roof was damaged this time. As he passed his mother on the stairs and pointing her in Mabel's direction he continued on to the room her shared with Mabel and closed the door behind him. Wandering over to his collection of books he pulled down the large tome of archeology that wasn't really a book.

It was overly cliche in Dipper's opinion but neither parent had ever figured it out.

Pushing the false book back on the shelf he surveyed the room.

Mabel had managed to completely hang the paper chain around the room. And the damage wasn't really that bad. There was a distinct grappling hook indent on the edge of the wall.  
Or was that a bad thing and living with Grunkle Stan all summer had completely messed with his viewpoint?

"Eh, probably," he told himself with a shrug.

* * *

 **Sorry I took so long, I have some issue's with betaing!  
All good now though!  
Massive thanks to Silvershadow471 for betaing!**

 **Reviews and Idea's are Appreciated and Adored!  
** **~Jessica** **  
**


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